It's April Fools Day

Paul Zannucci: As millions of Democratic voters take the day off from work (those with jobs) to celebrate their most holy of days with burnt offerings of Marlboro's and episodes of Montel, Republicans reflect on a primary process that has seemed more like an April Fool's Year than just a single day.

First we have America's mayor, Rudy Giuliani, running what had to be one of the most inspirationally stupid campaigns in history. For the first few months of the primary season, the only thing the media could say about Rudy was, "Where is he?" or maybe, "This is an interesting strategy." Not that Giuliani was any great conservative, but he was an excellent administrator in New York and would have been an electable option for Republicans.

Then we have Fred Thompson. All the world waited for Fred Thompson, the true conservative. Once we got him he looked a little different than we expected: old, tired, uninspiring, and uninspired. One day he's announcing his bid, the next he's offering a sort of campaign eulogy, saying that he wasn't all that jacked up to be president, anyway, and that he might consider joining a ticket as a V.P. nominee. That's all McCain needs, Fred: a little bit of your special brand of enthusiasm injected into a life-and-death campaign against, well, death itself. Imagine what that ticket would look like, standing there together, arms raised, the smell of BenGay and funeral carnations wafting out into the audience.

And let's not even talk about Huckster and Chuckster versus the Mad Mitt Mormon. By the time that cage fight was over, there was no one left but McCain and the actual true conservative (but also the poster boy for irrelevance) Ron Paul. And as all the Republican voters were saying, "What just happened here?" Obama and Clinton were out there slickly selling their bill of goods to a willing mass of buffoons, I mean, the youth and special interests.

And this brings us to the moral of this April Fool's Day tale. On the conservative side of the aisle, the fools are the politicians. On the liberal side of the aisle, the fools are the electorate. Happy April Fool's Day Democrats and Republican politicians. This is your day in the sun. Enjoy it.



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